At the Theater: Movies Coming out in August 2013

August 2, 2013

2 Guns

Dom: The first thing I thought when I saw this trailer was that Denzel Washington (American Gangster) could not rob a bank, because he sounds too much like Denzel. You’d know it was him. As for the actual movie it looks awesome. The acting will be great with the pairing Denzel and Markie Mark. Markie Mark does well with the action comedy with a plot type of films and Denzel should do well, also.

Ash: I don’t know about that whole robbing a bank thing, but I am looking forward to getting to see this. I am a firm believer that Mark Wahlberg (The Basketball Diaries) should always do comedy. His timing is perfect. Denzel is no slouch either, so this is guaranteed to be a pretty fun time, even if it’s not a serious movie or an Oscar contender. This is your standard summer movie. It allows a perfect chance to have a good time and avoid reality for a bit.

The Smurfs 2

Dom: I didn’t see the first Smurfs for a reason. I’m sorry, but Katy Perry sounds nothing like Smurfette and the other voices aren’t that close either. If you’re going to remake one of our childhood cartoons why do they have to make it CGI and ruin everything that we love about the show to begin with? Why screw with the voices, trying to get them close, but not anywhere near close enough? If they had to remake Smurfs they could have at least made it a cartoon and done it justice.

Ash: Like Dom, I hate the idea of these movies almost as much as I hated the whole Three Stooges thing. My biggest problem here, if you ignore the voices and all of the things that they are bound to get wrong, is the storyline. Most Smurf fans are aware that Gargamel created Smurfette out of clay in order to cause trouble in the all-male Smurf village. He didn’t try to make her bad later. In fact, when he made her, she was ugly and Papa Smurf made her beautiful. In any case, this storyline is a means to an end and it’s not a very good one.

The Spectacular Now

Dom: If you read the comments on the trailer, Sundance says it defies all coming of age stories. My problem is that I feel like a lot of “coming of age” stories, aren’t necessarily about coming of age. I should say that I don’t think this is going to be a bad movie. I doubt I will go see this in the theaters, but I would watch it if it were on television. I like some of the cast, especially Jennifer Jason Leigh (The Machinist). I also find it interesting that people are so honest about what they feel concerning the relationship. So often in these movies there is a sense that everyone roots for the relationship and that is not the case here.

Ash: Rarely do I sit through a trailer and just watch. Something is always in my head or an opinion is being formed. This trailer caused me to just watch. I was in the moment. While my counterpart wouldn’t see this in the theaters, I would.

The Canyons

Dom: I have no clue what this movie is about. I could guess, but the point seems to be the names that are in it are supposed to get me excited (Yeah, you Bret Easton Ellis). I feel like there was not enough James Deen to even gauge whether or not he could act. This didn’t get into film festivals for a reason. I am sick of giving Lindsay Lohan another chance. She was alright as a kid, but this shit is just getting ridiculous. What is the appeal? It’s not like Meryl Streep became a crackhead and then got back on track.

Ash: To be quite frank, I’d rather watch a marathon of James Deen pornos and end with what some might say is the most horrible movie ever made, The Room, then I would want to watch this. I won’t see it in the theater and if I ever attempt to watch it at all, I am pretty sure that I won’t finish.

Europa Report

Dom: I want to know WTF is going on. What is doing that to those people? Is it a creature? Although I’m not a conspiracy theory kind of guy, I love a good movie that offers the alien life from beyond that is coming to kill us.

Ash: Shit. This looks like it’s either going to be amazing (I’m pretty much in that camp right now) or it’s going to have an amazing idea that never pans out. The worst way to ruin a movie like this is with a bad ending. I’ll be in the theater hoping they don’t fuck this one up.


Dom: Eh, Why do I care? This made me think of this interesting story of a woman that can’t walk and her son’s best friend is a surfer that tapes her to himself and he rides the board and surfs with her. I feel like that would make a better movie than this.

Ash: So, Australians surf and get in trouble with drug dealers. It doesn’t look like a competent drug movie or an interesting surf movie. While it looks like it would have done fine on Lifetime I am not sure this is suited for actual theaters.

August 9, 2013


Dom: Jodie Foster (Silence of the Lambs, The Brave One) walked into the trailer and I was ready to see this movie. If that wouldn’t have sold me, the addition of Matt Damon (The Bourne Ultimatum) and Neill Blomkamp (District 9) would have sealed the deal. This is officially the first film I want to see in the theaters in August.

Ash: I have to pretty much agree with what Dom has to say. I love the cast, the premise of the movie has a lot of promise, and the cinematography looks amazing. I cannot wait to see this.

Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

Dom: I think I will see this with Robert as he likes these books. Also Sean Bean is Zeus, which I like, but also kind of worries me. I mean Sean Bean dies in most of his movies and I don’t want to see Zeus die. I know he was in the first film as Zeus, but being that it is Bean, I have to feel like it’s coming. I am interested in seeing some of the casting of the Gods and how that plays out. All that being said, I am skeptical about whether or not this will match up to the first movie. I think the intended audience will have a good time watching.

Ash: This looks like a good YA/youth film. The movie industry seems to be into dumbing down books turned to movies and I don’t know how this works in that respect. I have nothing against seeing this with Robert, but I am sure that I wouldn’t go out to the theaters on my own to see this.


Dom: It’s like cars, but you know…they are planes. I am not sure what’s going to be next, but Cars was awesome, so why not move to another thing? Pixar usually does some great stuff, but this looks like they were sleeping on the job. The premise just feels too similar to what has been done. It’s time to move on Pixar. Go somewhere new, preferably not in the transportation industry.

Ash: Yeah, I’m going to agree with just about everything Dom said above. This just feels sloppy to me. From what I noticed, even the storyline is kind of similar. This feels like a bigger letdown too, because it’s Pixar. You can’t build us up with so many great movies and then do this. What a bummer.

We’re the Millers

Dom: This is probably the only Jennifer Aniston (Leprechaun) Movie that I’ve ever wanted to see. It actually looks pretty funny.

Ash: My mom likes to harass me because I don’t like Jennifer Aniston movies. It’s nothing personal against her, I just generally do not like them. Well, this movie is changing my mind about her. I’m actually looking forward to this one. It looks like it’s going to be fun and it’s definitely not the typical Aniston film.

August 16, 2013

Kick Ass 2

Dom: I haven’t seen the original film so I feel like I’m missing something. I need to check it out because this looks pretty funny. I still can’t believe that was Jim Carrey (The Truman Show) in the trailer. It doesn’t look or sound like him.

Ash: To be honest I missed the whole Kick Ass thing. I didn’t even know what it was about. After seeing this trailer, I am super excited about correcting my mistake in all of this though. I am looking forward to seeing it as soon as I can. I’m looking forward to the second film, too.


Dom: This trailer makes you immediately think its going to be a relationship drama, but that quickly changes when you see a guy (Liam Hemsworth) trying to better his life and getting involved in intellectual espionage and trade secrets. This looks like it’s going to be a good movie.

Ash: It’s nice to see Harrison Ford (Indiana Jones) in a film that looks like it’s going to be amazing. This film has a great cast and an exciting storyline. I love how I kept recognizing actors in the trailer (Josh Holloway, Amber Heard, and Gary Oldman among others). I can’t wait to see this.

The Butler

Dom: This is going to win some Oscars. This movie is literally a who’s who of Hollywood. The acting talent is enough to warrant a trip to the theater. I think it’s interesting how they show the Civil Rights movement in the way that they show it. The only thing I worry about is that the big name people don’t resemble the actual physical people they are portraying.

Ash: I feel Oscar Buzz coming. I love Oprah in movies. I might not always love her network or her television shows, but she always picks the very best roles. I feel like 30 years from now this is going to be one of those iconic movies, like The Color Purple, that come together so well that everyone appreciates watching it. If this doesn’t win next year, I don’t know what will.


Dom: Ashton Kutcher (Valentine’s Day) goes through quite a transformation in this movie. Say what you will about Steve Jobs, I have always really liked him and had a lot of respect for him. I knew a little about his story, but I think that a movie like this will be a great thing to show off his legacy. This has the vibe of The Social Network, but I think it will be better.

Ash: The Kutcher thing had me a little bit worried, but seeing this trailer makes me believe that given the right script Ashton Kutcher has the ability to be a really solid actor. I am excited to see this because it’s one of those stories that doesn’t have to be embellished to make a good film. In this case, the true story is good enough on its own.

Prince Avalanche

I am not sure what to say. I feel like, I’m not exactly sure what I watched, but I mean Emile Hirsch is usually good and Paul Rudd is no one to complain about, but I’m still not sure what I’m watching. They make lines on the road and stuff. Yeah. — It reminds me of a Step Brothers move to the woods and get deeper and have more feelings. I feel like this is the movie you ignore and then kick yourself five years later when you see it and realize you should have watched this five years ago.

Ain’t Them Bodies Saints

Dom: I had no clue what this movie was about when I began watching the trailer, but it looks like something I would enjoy seeing. I am looking forward to getting to see this when it comes out. I was engaged during the entire trailer and it looks like it has all of the elements of a good drama.

Ash: I love Casey Affleck (Gone Baby Gone). I feel he is highly underrated as an actor, but I was interested the moment I knew he was in this. Seeing this trailer and watching the performance he gives, alongside Rooney Mara makes me all the more excited for this one. If I had to pick one film to see in the theater, it would probably be this one.

August 23, 2013

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones

Dom: More than anything I loved that the actors with accents were able to keep their accents. I hate when actors are forced to all become American. It’s a thing lately and I hate that. I love the idea of the girl hero in the book/movie, also. Up until a few years ago this was not as popular, so it’s nice to see the switch. I was interested in the first trailer, but the second (the one pictured here) really sold me. I’m looking forward to taking our son to see it.

Ash: I pretty much agree with everything that Dom said. I have these books sitting on my shelf and am debating whether or not to start reading them before I see the movie. Most movies don’t live up to the book so I would hate to end up disappointed, but these trailers have me really interested in getting into this series.

The World’s End

Dom: It’s impossible to take this movie seriously, but in saying that know that I’m not meaning it as a diss. I don’t know that this is one of those ‘in the theater’ movies for me, but I don’t think I would turn it off if it were on.

Ash: My initial reaction is this: It’s Dude Where’s my Car, with old guys. I am sure it will be funny and it will have some good quotable lines. I’m sure I will see it at some point, though I am positive it won’t be in the theater.

You’re Next

Dom: I see Lionsgate, and horror and can’t help but think it’s going to suck. Lionsgate isn’t known for their fabulous horror selections. While some of their films are good, the majority of their horror just plain sucks. This is a bunch of unknown people, from the people that did the V/H/S/ movie. I’m not anticipating greatness here.

Ash: I won’t see this in the theater because I am thinking it’s going to be a ‘supposed to be scary, but turns out to be a collosal fuckup’ kind of film. Also, as a side note, one of the scariest movies of my childhood involved murders wearing animal masks. I don’t think this is going to surpass that. In fact, I’m pretty positive that it won’t.

The Grandmaster

Dom: I like Wong Kar Wai so initially I would have watched this just for him. Of course, most people don’t have the luxury of being familiar with him, unless they are in film school or watch foreign films. This has some good actors and I really like when they have female main characters (or strong supporting characters) in movies about martial arts because they often show that women can stand up to the men. I think that Wong Kar Wai has a look to his films, it has that visual porn appeal but with substance. If you couldn’t tell already, I’m looking forward to checking this one out.

Ash: Unlike Dom, I am not a big martial arts film buff and other than The Karate Kid, I generally avoid martial arts movies as much as I avoid Westerns. That being said, I recognize some of the people here and the film itself looks like it has a good story. I don’t know if I will see this in the theater, but I am sure at some point I will sit down and watch it.

August 30, 2013

One Direction: This is Us

Dom: Why is this in 3D? I don’t get the idea of band movies. While I don’t wanna see this, I get that it’s going to be a big deal. It was smart of Morgan Spurlock to make this film. The trailer alone has close to 10 million views and this was the perfect boy band to do this with.

Ash: These guys seem like nice guys and they have catchy music. But I swear, if I see one more music documentary about a band (or singer) and their greatness I’m gonna gag. I am a fan of plenty of bands, but if they come out with one of these movies I’m not paying 12 bucks to see it.


Dom: WTF Ethan Hawke? Seriously, what? I feel like if you put Taken 2 with Fast and the Furious and mix in a little Wizards of Waverly Place you have this movie. It’s not a good thing.

Ash: I know people say you shouldn’t judge Selena Gomez, and she’s fine in some things, but honestly, I don’t know about this. Driving in action films is a big deal. I just cannot help but feel like Ethan Hawke is going through this phase where he doesn’t know what he wants out of movies. Unfortunately, that leads to him picking some weird ass roles.

Closed Circuit

Dom10 Things I Hate About You) and Rebecca Hall, that are in this film. Stiles is good in roles like thi. She excels when she does these types of movies. I think these women are going to carry the film, though the male cast is amazing, as well. They are setting themselves up for lots of notice.

Ash: I really cannot say anything nicer about this film than Dom already has. I look forward to seeing this. Like he said, it looks like it’s going to be great.

The Random

Dom: While the name of the film fits, that doesn’t really help me any in figuring out the purpose or plot of this film. I don’t have any problems with Russian cinema, but the music distracted me and I felt the quality of the trailer was quite poor.

Ash: First, let’s just say the music was distracting. I get it’s random, but if you don’t show me more than random bits of film that make little sense, I am not going to be interested in seeing your film.

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