Writer: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
Director: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer
Cast: Sean Maguire, Carmen Electra, Kevin Sorbo, Diedrich Bader, Ken Davitian, Method Man, Jareb Dauplaise, Travis Van Winkle
Rating: Unrated
Studio: 20th Century Fox
Release Date: June 3, 2008

You should never expect much from spoof movies these days. I enjoy the Scary Movie franchise. I think it’s because Anna Faris and Regina Hall are pretty funny. They keep me interested in the franchise, which features a humor and jokes that just aren’t as funny as they used to be. I tolerated Date Movie, though Epic Movie made me want to slit my wrists. I get that Friedberg and Seltzer are trying to be this generation’s spoof guys, but spoofs aren’t really funny if their humor falls flat.

The duo, who have worked together on everything from Spy Hard to the upcoming predicted disaster of a movie (no pun intended), Disaster Movie need to re-watch all of Mel Brooks’ films then compare his ability to spoof movie styles with their own. Brooks was the master of spoof (Blazing Saddles or Spaceballs anyone?!) who makes Friedberg and Seltzer look like pansies making kiddy films. Their spoofs get progressively worse with each attempt using pot shots, potty humor and prejudicial humor to carry the storylines and move the plot.

Release Information:
Meet the Spartans, the latest effort by Friedberg and Seltzer, was meant to be a spoof of the hit, graphic novel-style movie, 300. Mixed with 21st century cultural references and more tasteless humor then you’d get from a $2 hooker turned comedian, this movie bombed with critics and fans alike. While nobody seems to have liked this movie it did make over $18 million in its opening weekend. The film has made close to $85 million internationally since its initial release though worldwide audiences seem to like the film more than Americans.

Meet the Spartans was released on June 3, 2008 by 20th Century Fox. The movie originally debuted in theaters in the United States on January 25, 2008. The wait between theatrical release and DVD release for Meet the Spartans is pretty typical for mediocre films these days. The movie can be purchased at Amazon as Meet the Spartans (Rated) for $26.99, Meet the Spartans (Unrated ‘Pit of Death’ Edition) for $19.99, Meet the Spartans (Uncut) DVD for $14.99 and Blu-Ray Meet the Spartans (Unrated ‘Pit of Death’ Edition) for $27.95. This review is for the Meet the Spartans (Unrated ‘Pit of Death’ Edition).

The Meet the Spartans – Pit of Death Edition (Unrated) Plot
Meet the Spartans spoofs modern cinema and pop culture throughout the entire movie. There are spoofs of Shrek, 300, Britney Spears, American Idol, Lindsay Lohan, K-Fed, Paris Hilton, Ugly Betty and many other things a modern audience would recognize. On occasion, there is something that actually is humorous (such as the homo-erotic suggestions that are common in movies dealing with Ancient Greece (and Rome)). Still, the overall film is stale, with more jokes falling flat than not.

I love Carmen Electra. I really do. Not only does she have a great body, she has the ability to be so much more than the eye candy/slut she seems to play in nearly every movie she is in, as seen in her performance for The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human (a highly underrated comedy). You won’t find anything but the typical Electra slut role in Meet the Spartans though. She plays Queen Margo (wife to King Leonidas) and is only there for her body. Well, at least that’s how it feels to me.

The most surprising performance was given by Sean Maguire (Leonidas). I’d never heard or seen Maguire before, but he actually kept the movie afloat enough to provide minimal laughs. He was the funniest part of the movie and had some of the best lines. He also did well acting despite a crappy script. I think it should be noted that I don’t blame most of the actors, as many of them put in the best performance they could given the script, but if the script sucks there isn’t much that can be done to help the actor’s out.

Kevin Sorbo is another who puts in a good performance as Leonidas’ faithful comrade, Captain. I liked Kevin when he was Hercules. It seems fitting to put him back in “Ancient Greek” garb, but I feel his talent wasn’t used the way it should have been used. Of course, even Sorbo has less to do than he could have with plenty of references to his popular former role a potentially easy addition to the story that Friedberg and Seltzer ignore.

The story follows pretty much along with the story of 300 though it is less engaging and done to be funny. Unfortunately, it just isn’t funny. Leonidas is deemed worthy to be a Spartan child (the Shrek baby isn’t) and therefore, he’s trained in the art of fighting and to be a Spartan warrior. This means he beats up his grandma (or she beats him up – depending on how you look at it). When Sean Maguire enters the picture as Leonidas, he is set out in the wild, where he must kill a penguin and survive the winter. When he returns he becomes the King of Sparta and marries Queen Margo.

Throughout the movie, we learn that Spartan men open mouth kiss one another and high five women in greeting. We also learn that Britney Spears shouldn’t try to feed her baby so close to a pit of death and Paula Abdul is even more annoying in spoof then she is on live television. Leonidas and Captain must lead a small group of Spartans to Thermopylae after the leader of Persia, Xerxes (Ken Davitian), sends a messenger to Sparta, telling Leonidas to submit to the Persians or die at the hands of their massive army. At Thermopylae, the group meets a Persian emissary (Method Man), who challenges the Spartan soldiers to a dance competition. The goal is to make one team get “served”.

I’m sure you can see where this is going. There is a Paris Hilton hag with an abnormal looking hump on her back, the Greek Tratorio (Diedrich Bader) is secretly working with the Persians, and Queen Margo uses her body to try and get what she wants. In the end, the good and funny moments, as well as the solid performances put in by a few of the actors can’t make up for the lousy plot and crappy script. This film really isn’t even worth renting.

Storyline/Plot:
Replayability:
Acting:
Directing:

Audio/Visual:
I received a watermarked review copy of Meet the Spartans from Fox. While I won’t be able to give the film any points for audio/visual since this is not a final release for the movie, I will say if the final looks half as good as the quality of the DVD I received, then there should be very few complains. Colors were bright, contrast was good and there were very few (if any) visual errors. The audio quality was good with three audio tracks, all with closed captioning. The English 5.1 Dolby Digital track came through loud and clear. There are also Dolby Digital surround tracks in French and Spanish. Subtitles are available in both English and Spanish. I’m assuming this is what will be available on the final disc, but you never know with these kinds of reviews.

Bonus Features:
Like every crappy movie on the planet, Meet the Spartans is packed with bonus features. I don’t know if the makers of movies like this feel the DVD is going to be worth a purchase because, while it has a piece of crap movie on it, it’s loaded with “really cool” bonuses or not. This actually just upsets people like me who think bonuses for mediocre movies aren’t worth my time. It just makes me angry to have to spend more time with this disc.

Like most movies, the bonus section begins with an audio commentary. The commentary for Meet the Spartans is done with Friedberg and Seltzer, Sean Maguire, Kevin Sorbo, spoof artist Nicole Parker, and Ike Barinholtz. There is a somewhat funny gag reel, more funny than the movie actually, a few different theatrical trailers and a number of special featurettes. There is “Prepare for Thrusting”, which is the making-of featurette, “Meet the Spartans: The Music”, which offers a scene selections for the movie’s musical scenes, and “Tour of the Set with Ike Barinholtz”, which is just what the name implies. It’s a tour of the set.

The final bonus is the “Know your Spartans” Pop Culture Trivia Game. None of the bonuses are overly great, but the few fans of this movie might just love what is here.

Bonus Features:

Bottom Line:
Meet the Spartans had very few funny moments. I don’t know what is so special about the Unrated ‘Pit of Death’ Edition or how it differs from the original. It has been said it is raunchier, but who knows. I don’t think anyone should watch this movie though if you do, do so for Sean Maguire and Kevin Sorbo’s performances or to see Carmen for the eye candy she is. Otherwise, avoid this like the plague.

Overall Rating:

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