Writer: Paul Andrew Williams
Director: Paul Andrew Williams
Cast: Jennifer Ellison, Johnny Harris, Andy Serkis, Steve O’Donnell, Reece Shearsmith
Rating: Unrated
Studio: Sony Home Entertainment
Release Date: May 13, 2008

When I put in The Cottage I thought that it was a horror movie. While there is an element or two that comes out looking quite scary, it’s definitely not a horror movie. It’s more of a dark comedy. I was certainly laughing more than I was jumping out of my seat. The funniest thing of all is that had I known what it was about, I probably wouldn’t have wanted to see it. However, after seeing it I thought it was fabulous and wouldn’t hesitate to both recommend it and see it a second (or third) time.

The beginning of this movie starts out funny, moves into a completely odd phase, and then continues towards a hilarious supposed-to-be-funny and even slightly ironic ending. It’s not something you expect, unless your filmmaker has taken a large dose of acid. Whether he did indeed take it, I don’t know, but if he did, it definitely worked. I hadn’t laughed that hard, especially at “horror” in a long time.

Release Information:
The Cottage has received pretty decent reviews overall. It was enjoyed by the people who’ve seen it on IMBD and we all know how shoddy their voting tastes can be. It’s also done fairly well in other review venues. The Cottage was released in the European film market first in February in Germany and then in March in the UK. While there are other European areas that are planning a release, when it comes to the US this was a direct release film that came out courtesy of Sony Home Entertainment on May 13, 2008. If you cannot find it at a local store you can always pick up The Cottage at Amazon where it retails for $19.99.

The The Cottage: Unrated Plot
The Cottage revolves around two brothers, their strained relationship, and the kidnapping that is consuming their lives until they get paid. Peter (Reece Shearsmith) and David (Andy Serkis) are absolute opposites. While Peter is wimpy and highly neurotic, David could be a good candidate for anger management with plenty of experience in criminal matters, a moderate amount of brains, and little common sense. These brothers do the dumbest thing together that they could possibly do. They kidnap David’s boss’ step-daughter. David works at a strip club and his boss isn’t anyone that these two buffoons want to mess with.

This is where we enter. Through a few moments of tense conversation we learn that David and Peter have kidnapped Tracey (Jennifer Ellison). She is in the trunk of the car when you learn that she has been kidnapped. It does not take but a minute to see that these aren’t the kind of guys that should be kidnapping people. First off, Peter is insanely neurotic. He often has to leave the cottage they are hiding in to call his overweight, overbearing wife. You always know he’s calling her because he changes his voice, to a high pitched squeal and seems quite apologetic because everything he says or does is wrong.

When he’s not calling his darling Amy he is messing up things for David on the kidnapping front or flailing psychotically in the midst of moths. That’s right, Peter is deathly afraid of moths. In fact, you often see him dancing erratically and attempting to make a fast getaway whenever he is near one.

David wouldn’t be so bad other than the fact that he has incredibly bad taste in criminal partners. While Peter is bad, Andrew (Steve O’Donnell) is worse. Andrew is the son of the crime boss and Tracey’s step-brother. Naturally, with a dim bulb like Andrew on the case the crime boss is well aware of what is happening so he remains a step ahead of them. Before Andrew is even at the cottage the Asian hit men are on the way, following Andrew to take care of things. Meanwhile, Andrew assumes he is carrying the ransom that all three idiots will share in various amounts.

Sadly, as anyone that has been involved in a kidnapping with idiots can tell you, things don’t stay positive for long. Tracey turns out to be quite the foul-mouthed spitfire. When she isn’t shouting her favorite obscenity (it rhymes with bunt) she is doing her best to beat the hell out of her captives.

Of course, before long the kidnappers will have much more pressing matters to deal with than Tracey. The hit men are ready to handle matters and there is more than meets the eye in terms of the small town they are in. They don’t have a clue what lies in store for any of them. Things go from hilarious, to fast-paced and psychotic, to ironic all in a matter of minutes.

The acting is perfectly handled by many of the main characters. Peter seems envious of his brother’s abilities though he would never admit that being the more stable (according to society) of the two. Shearsmith and Serkis play off of one another wonderfully. They play the part of brothers so well you begin to think they are really related. They banter about the most amusing things and their mannerisms are absolutely hilarious. The presence of Andrew only seems to make things funnier, because he is the dumbest of the kidnapping trio. Of course, there is more to The Cottage than humor. The Asian assassins offer a nice dose of what’s to come, even though you don’t realize it at the time.

Soon enough these characters are racing to protect their lives from an unlikely killer waiting in an unlikely spot. This leads to the knocking off of a few characters until we are left with the main characters. Even though the majority of these characters are neurotic and not necessary likable, you want them to survive. Even if you really don’t, it beats cheering for the bad guy!

You can expect to see some graphic blood and gore scenes. Now, these won’t necessarily scare you, because even the horror has been given a comical light. That being said, it’s there and deserves to be noted, especially for those that don’t like bloody movies.

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Audio/Visual:
The Cottage offers a pretty good video track that only makes this movie more enjoyable. After all, it’s no fun watching blood and guts with a fuzzy transfer. With The Cottage, Sony presents an aspect ratio of 2.35:1 and anamorphic widescreen. It’s hard to complain about a transfer with specs like that. While it is possible that the transfer can go badly it didn’t here. Everything looks crisp, the colors are good, and the visual quality is sharp overall.

There are plenty of audio options here on this unrated version of The Cottage. For starters, all audio options come in Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround sound. You can choose from audio in English, Portuguese, Spanish, and French. Every language also offers subtitles, as well. The audio sounded excellent. The screams came through booming, the dialogue sounded excellent, and no volume toggling was necessary.

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Bonus Features:
The available bonus features here are pretty standard. There is nothing that is really overly necessary. If you watch them you might get a few chuckles, but there is not anything you would really miss out on if you chose to skip them. The Cottage offers some storyboards, a few deleted scenes, and a couple of outtakes. So, depending on how you look at things, it’s better than nothing, but still not a whole lot of extras here.

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Bottom Line:
The Cottage is not a conventional comedy and it’s certainly not a conventional horror movie. Regardless of both of these points, the movie is fun and offers a good time. I didn’t know what I was going to get when I popped this in, but I ended up having a great time. This is recommended for dark comedy lovers and people that like laughing at ironic situations and horror. Anyone else might want to consider renting this first.

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