Written by: Ryan the Admin at 4:25 pm
In order to celebrate George Carlin’s newest exclusive, HBO Special, Literary Illusions is proud to be giving away five SIGNED posters of George Carlin. Please make sure you read the rules because this contest is a little bit different then our other contests. This time around you need to leave a comment with your favorite George Carlin quote. Easily one of the best comics of our time, it should be simple to find a suitable quote to leave as a comment. Comments that come without a quote will be deleted. If you submitted without a quote and do do not see your entry, please feel free to enter with a quote and your entry will be added.
To enter all you need to do is leave us a comment with your quote. Please be sure to only leave one comment. Comments are moderated to avoid spam, so it will not show up right away. People who leave multiple comments will be deleted from the contest altogether. If you do not see your comment within a day then by all means leave another one. Otherwise, do not worry as we accept comments several times a day and we promise that we will get yours up.
To enter you need to be 18 years of age and a resident of the US. If you have won a contest within the last 30 days you are not eligible. Winners will be announced here. If we do not hear from you within 3 weeks from the date the winners are announced you forfeit your prize and we will select another winner. Prizes will be shipped within 45 days from the day you win.
We will begin choosing winners for this on March 10, 2008, which means you have until March 9, 2008 at 11:59 to enter.
America’s first and funniest counterculture spokesman stars in a new, uncensored 60-minute evening of stand-up comedy. Carlin’s 14th original solo HBO stand-up special, GEORGE CARLIN: IT’S BAD FOR YA is filled with the comic’s dead-on-funny insights on such issues as: the advantages of being old; euphemisms associated with dead people; child worship and the failure of the so-called “self-esteem” movement; his intolerance of stupid and/or boring people; how to respond to parents who show you pictures of their kids; civic superstitions like removing hats in a place of worship, or swearing on the Bible; and above all, our abnormal preoccupation with BS, i.e., “stuff that’s bad for ya!”
Technorati Tags: George Carlin, It’s Bad for Ya, HBO Special, Comedian, Jokes, Funny, Signed Poster, Contest, Giveaway, Literary Illusions
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Written by Ryan the Admin - Visit Website
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Ryan is from California. He graduated from USC with a degree in English. In his free time, when he isn't working as a Literary Illusions gopher (er...editor) he enjoys writing short stories.
Filed under: Comedy, Contests, Movies, Movies
My favorite George Carlin quote is, ” did you ever notice, your own farts, smell okay?” How true, how hilarious!
I would like to have one. I love George Carlin. And I am NOT a soccer mom with kids named, Jason and JENN-I-FER! I also believe that there are too many grave yards and golf courses.:) So true! I agree with him on so many levels…and he’s funny too!
There are seven words I could use to explain how excited I would be about winning this…
But I don’t wanna get banned…
I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
George Carlin ROCKS!
Have you ever Burped and tasted the hot dog you ate the day before?
“If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.”
“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it”.
“Vinny and Louie will kick the s**t outta Kyle!” True, too many cutsey-pie “millenium – baby” names out there! (Kyle, Cody, etc.)
“I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.”
“Why do they they call it rush hour when everyone is sitting still!”
When someone is impatient and says, “I haven’t got all day,” I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
“The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept”
Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Ive got seven words for you . . . but I can’t use them.
My favorite George Carlin quote is “The kid who eats the most marbles doesn’t go on to the second grade.”
From “A Place For Your Stuff” –
“So when you get right down to it, your house is nothing more than a place to keep your stuff…while you go out and get…more stuff. ‘Cause that’s what this country is all about. Tryin’ to get more stuff. Stuff you don’t want, stuff you don’t need, stuff that’s poorly made, stuff that’s overpriced. Even stuff you can’t afford! Gotta keep on gettin’ more stuff. Otherwise someone else might end up with more stuff. Can’t let that happen. Gotta have the most stuff…”
Left On! George. Your humour is timely and timeless.
“I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.”
“If only we had their numbers!”
George as Cardinal Glick in Dogma, talking about the tobacco industry.
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but
have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense,
more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness. We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too
little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
God Bless You George.
“The kid who eats the most marbles doesn’t go on to the second grade.”
“Hi – I’m your hippy-dippy weatherman.” (and I still laugh everytime I picture him at that weather map!)
“If you wanna know how stupid people are, think how stupid the average person is and realize that half of ‘em are stupider than that.”
The real reason that we can’t have the Ten Commandments in a courthouse: You cannot post “Thou shalt not steal,” “Thou shalt not commit adultery,” and “Thou shalt not lie” in a building full of lawyers, judges, and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.
Would love to have this. Love the “hippy-dippy weather man”. Have listened to George Carlin for years. Please count me in. Thsnks
So when you get right down to it, your house is nothing more than a place to keep your stuff…while you go out and get…more stuff.
“I’m the hippy-dippy weatherman. The forcest for tonight….dark…lasting from sundown to sun up.”
Loved that routine.
“Women like silent men, they think they’re listening.”
How true. Thank you!
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
George Carlin for President!
The list of words you cant say My husband thinks Mr carlin is the funniest man alive.He had a program signed by him and his EX trashed it for spite he would love to have this
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
“In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.”
The best ever is did you ever notice, your own farts smell okay?
My favorite Carlin quote is:
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
“The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.”
“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
My favorite Carlin quote: “You drive like old people F**k slow and sloppy”
All your house is is a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.
Have you ever noticed that their stuff is shit and your shit is stuff?
[talking about las vegas] I got fired for using the word “sh*t” in a town where the big game is craps.
If it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor
My favorite Carlin quote is:
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
My favorite routine was Baseball vs. Football
Hi, I have always loved George Carlin’s “Stuff” monologue. It still makes me laugh! Please enter me in your drawing for one of his posters. Many thanks,Cindi
7 words you cant say on tv….you know what they are america
“In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.”
“How is it possible to have a civil war”
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity
That is what our house is: a container with a lid to cover our stuff, and a lock on the door for when we go out to get more stuff.
I love the man – he’s the fly on the wall – nails the hilarity of our lives on the head every time!
I always love to hear the Carlinism, “If you think there’s a solution, you’re part of the problem”.
, ” did you ever notice, your own farts, smell okay?” How true,
“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it”.
He is so funny! I saw him out in Vegas.
“It’s never a game when you’re winning.”
I love this quote, just ask anyone in sports what they think of it!!!
My favorite George Carlin quote is “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
*sniff*
“Could be meat.”
*sniff*
“Could be cake.”
*sssssssssnifffffffffff*
“It’s meat cake!”
“Dogs have eyebrows. Cats just have s%$t sticking out of their faces that they THINK are eyebrows”
OMG! I could go on and on! I think George Carlin is the funniest man on earth! Thanks for the contest! Hope I win….I can always use more stuff! LOL!
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say that the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
“One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like”
“In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.”
I love this quote, and it’s so timely!
Please enter me, I’d love to win some “stuff”
Too many of my all time favorite Carlin gems are not suited for youngsters consumption, but here’s a fun, true one…
“The reason they call it the American Dream is because you have to be asleep to believe it.”
“keep on talking, pretty soon you will need a backhoe to dig yourself out”
I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.
Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it
sh!t, p!ss, f*ck, c*nt, c*cksucker, m*therf*ucker and t!ts.
And t!ts doesn’t even belong on the list! It sounds like a snack.
Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
No one knows what’s next, but everybody does it.
I love his sense of humor. One of my favorite quotes is, “Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.” (Evian spelled backwards is naive)
“Christ didn’t come to Earth to give us the willies….. I give you the Buddy Christ!”
-as Cardinal Glick in Dogma (View Askew rocks)
His stand-up is the best though. A comic genius.
Swimming is not a sport. Swimming is a way to keep from drowning. That’s just common sense!
just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it…
he is a legend!
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
Would love to own this…I saw him in 1986 and it was great then “Incomplete list of impolite words” was great.
I love the quote
“I think I am, therefore, I am. I think.”
No comment” is a comment.
“Angels, shit. What about goblins? Doesn’t anybody believe in goblins? And zombies. Where the fuck are all the zombies? That’s the trouble with zombies, they’re unreliable. I say if you’re gonna buy that angel bullshit, you may as well go for the goblin-zombie package as well.”
Not only do I not know what’s going on, I wouldn’t know what to do about it if I did.
“The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music.”
“Could be meat… could be cake… Looks like meatcake!”
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
I have always loved that one! There is another one about raising kids, but I can’t find it.
“What if there were no hypothetical questions?”
“The planet is fine. The people are fucked.”
“Get ON the plane? Screw that–I’m getting IN the plane! Leave the getting ON the plane to some f*cking daredevil!”
Always think of this routine when I’ve gotta fly somewhere. Rock on, George! Keep tellin’ ‘em like it is!
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day!
How very true!!
“people don’t kill squirrels, indifference kills squirrels, they change their mind in the middle of the street”
i want to win!!!
There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. “All of you words over here, you seven….baaaad words.” That’s what they told us, right? …You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.
There are 400,000 words in the English language, and there are seven you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is! 399,993 to 7. They must really be baaaad. They must be OUTRAGEOUS to be separated from a group that large. “All of you words over here, you seven….baaaad words.” That’s what they told us, right? …You know the seven, don’t ya? That you can’t say on TV? Shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker and tits.
Abortion—”For humans we call it an abortion, but for chickens it’s called an omelet. Are we that much better than chickens? When’s the last time you heard of a chicken coming home and beating the crap out of his hen?”
I drink my coffee black, not black and blue.
“if it requires a uniform, it’s a worthless endeavor.”
“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking and there is no woman around to hear him…is he still wrong? YES!
His Book Club Titles:
“How to Spot Truly Vicious People in Church.”
“House-Hunting for Devil Worshippers.”
I grew up listening to George Carlin. He is one of the wittiest,relevant,clever Comedians that ever walked the Planet. He was hilarious 30 years ago and if equally as funny today! This mans humor is and all ways will be laugh out loud funny and thought provoking!
I am hard pressed to give a favorite quote because I love so many of them but one of my favorites has to be “Just when I figured out the meaning of Life they changed it.”
Because this describes my life to a “T” – this is my favorite quote:
“So when you get right down to it, your house is nothing more than a place to keep your stuff…while you go out and get…more stuff.”
I would love one of his posters to add to my stuff!
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Two guys are on an elevator. One guy farts. Everyone knows who did it! The other guy gets off at the mezzanine and walks down.
Too funny. Too true!
Because I always dread tackling the housework, one of my favorite quotes is:
“Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.”
“Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it”.
“By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth”
The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept.
When you’re born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you’re born in America, you get a front-row seat.
Did you ever notice that other peoples stuff is crap, but your crap is Stuff?
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
One of the best classic comedians! 7 words you can not say on TV FTW!
God Bless Us All. Right In The Mouth
“I’m a gun enthuseiast. Oh yeah, well I’m a blow job enthuseiast!”
“What ever happened to kids playing in the mud with a stick?” Seen George for the first time live in Vegas this past Aug. But I use to sneak to watch him on hbo when i was little. So I’ve been a fan for years.
“Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.”
“In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.”
enter me please, thank you for the contest
“Why is it called a hot water heater? Why do you need to heat hot water?”
Oh, great prize!
“in america, anyone can become president. that’s the problem.” i remember george carlin from a long time ago, boy – we’re both getting old.
“Why do they they call it rush hour when everyone is sitting still!”
george carlin good contest to win
Love George Carlin, here is my favorite ~ “Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man…living in the sky, who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer and burn and scream until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you and he needs money.”
Some people know what ship the’re own, the rest are still trying to find their way to the dock. Medium sizes
My favorite George Carlin quote is “Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?”
I love george carlin. he’s so funny.
whoever said “buyer beware” must have been bleeding from the behind.
There are too many; it’s hard to pick one. The new HBO show was amazing and if I had been able to watch it more than once I would use something from that — the bit about the good things about getting old including be able to say you forgot anything you didnt want to go to was great, as was the fact that kids can’t play with sticks in the mud anymore.
But, here’s the one I pick verbatim:
Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
Congrats to the following people who have won this contest!
Walter Van Tine
Marie Fink
Raymond Goldstone
dorothy
Eric Parker
If you do not hear from us, please use the contact form to send us your physical address.
I have a friend who HAPPENS to be black.
Like its a f*king accident, ya know?
He had two black parents?
Oh yes.
And they f*ked?
Oh yes.
So where does the surprise part come in?
That whole bit is just amazing.
“Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.”
There are so many quotes that my husband and I could remember! We ended up trying to out-do each other and ended up laughing for hours!