Movie Review: The New Kids

Two teenagers, a brother and sister who get along surprisingly well, are sent to Florida to live with their uncle when their parents die. The New Kids is all about the journey of two kids that have lost their parents. Being military children, moving was no problem for either kid. This was a movie that I had seen several times before. Noticing that it had been released to DVD signaled the need to review this dramatic and somewhat surprising flick.

The Who For the 1980’s you are presented with a stellar cast in The New Kids. You have some names you know, from people who went on to do great things, and some others that were excellent but for whatever reason stopped acting after the making of this film. Stephen Gyllenhaal (father of Jake and Maggie) received a writing credit for the story. Actors include Shannon Presby, who surprisingly no longer acts, Lori Loughlin (Full House), the talented Eric Stoltz (The Butterfly Effect, Mask, Some Kind of Wonderful), and the magnificently evil James Spader (Pretty in Pink, Less than Zero, Wall Street).

Meanwhile, the director, Sean S. Cunningham is responsible for directing the original Friday the 13th, as well as other lesser-known movies. It seems Mr. Cunningham has become more of a producer; of course there is nothing wrong with that.

The What

Loren (Shannon Presby) and Abby (Lori Loughlin), teenage brother and sister have the perfect life. Military brats, their parents love them very much and have made a good life for them. They have a nice home, friends, and everything two teenagers could want in a stable household. This lasts for about five minutes until Loren and Abby’s parents go off on a business trip and die in a car accident.

At the funeral we meet Uncle Charlie (Eddie Jones). While the parent’s seemed together, fit, and confident, Uncle Charlie seems to be the consistent dreamer. He always has big plans, but he rarely has a way of making them happen. He’s got the eye for money but he does more chasing than capturing. However, Uncle Charlie is here to take in the kids and make sure someone takes care of them.

He puts them on a bus to his small town Florida home and soon we are visiting Santa’s Funland, a failed midway carnival attraction, gas station, and convenience store that is ready to hit it big thanks to the somewhat prime location that it’s located in. In actuality, the location is near a busy highway and on the way to Disney World.

Uncle Charlie gives Abby and Loren a building to live in that is away from the house and around in the carnival area. The building is one room and a bathroom, reminiscent of the dressing rooms clowns have in the traveling circuses. However, they make it work and soon we see them adjusting to their environment.

Let’s consider their environment for a moment. While home is a little chaotic, school provides a more stable backdrop for these two, together kids. Abby is soon being asked out or checked out by many of the boys in school. The first is Mark (Eric Stoltz). Mark is your typical semi-bookworm, nice guy. Next in line come Eddie Dutra (James Spader) and his gang.

The gang consists of a bunch of numb-nut cronies. Dutra, and Gideon, played by John Philbin (Children of the Corn) are the leaders. Dutra is your typical bad boy. He sells dope and cocaine, has a van, and is involved in shooting practice and dog fights in his spare time. Gideon lives on a farm and is often seen hanging out with his friends, cutting open bunny rabbits or chickens, and tossing blood on a rope to train their pit bull for the dogfights.

Soon after Dutra meets Abby he decides he has to have her and no one turns down Dutra. Of course, Gideon, or Gid, as he prefers to be called, thinks he can implant himself in them panties before Dutra can. $50 bucks is on the line and Abby is the prize. Unfortunately, she’s a little too smart for the bumbling Future Farmers of America, and as that is the case, we have a problem.

No one says no to Dutra, but Abby. This shouldn’t be a problem because she says no to Gid, as well. Of course, they do not like this and choose to retaliate. Next thing we know Loren has had enough and it’s payback time. During a brief interlude where Loren tells Dutra to leave his family alone, we see James Spader in a Speedo and go on about the movie, expecting things to get better, right? Nope, wrong. It gets worse!

After some vandalism and gratuitous violence we get to the meat of the plot. Lauren and Abby are at the school dance with their boyfriend and girlfriend. As Abby slips away for a bit she is kidnapped. While I will not go into the entire portion of what happens I will say that Abby is first doused with lighter fluid and then with gas, but before she goes up in smoke, Loren shows up to attempt to save the day.

There is a knock-down, drag-out fight that is set to leave everyone dead. Dutra wants Loren and Abby dead, Loren and Abby do not want to die. There is death in this movie, but I do not want to spoil any type of ending for you. However, some of the deaths are gruesome. For example, one of the characters is doused with blood (on accident) and has his or her face bitten off by the pit bull. The dog is then shot for its naughty behavior and while we are sure PITA didn’t approve it fit the storyline considerably well.

Near the end of the movie we see papers detailing the Blood Bath at Santa’s Funland and Uncle Charlie showing a guided tour where all the people died on his beloved carnival property. The carnival is now a success.

The Why

After this movie, James Spader went on to play in much bigger roles and he still reign’s supreme as the evil 80’s man of the hour. Meanwhile, Shannon Presby never starred in anything again. The cast was chosen well and a few of the actors in this film went on to do great things.

The plot was meaty enough to be interesting and the characters were developed enough to have that clear line in the sand of who was good and bad or right and wrong. You didn’t like the ones you were supposed to hate and you rooted for the good guys, even if Uncle Charlie was somewhat of a simpleton.

Bottom Line: The New Kids is a movie that I have considered a guilty pleasure for a long time. I have anxiously awaited the coming of this movie to DVD and immediately picked it up so that we could review it as soon as it was out. The bottom line is simple, though listed as horror and not truly befitting of the genre, The New Kids, was a classic 80s movie and any lover of the genre will not want to miss this one.

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Written by Dom and Ash - Visit Website
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